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Operator:
Thank you for calling Pizza Shack. May I have your System Identification Number?
Customer:
Hi, I'd like to place an order.
Operator:
May I have your SIN first, sir?
Customer:
My System ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610.
Operator:
Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number's NA-UCAS/SEA-4942366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is NA-UCAS/SEA-7452302 and your cell number's NA-UCAS/SEA-2662566. Which number are you calling from, sir?
Customer:
Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?
Operator:
We're wired into the system, sir.
Customer:
(sighs) Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas.
Operator:
I don't think that's a good idea, sir.
Customer:
What do you mean?
Operator:
Sir, your medical records indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your Corporate Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice.
Customer:
Darn. What do you recommend, then?
Operator:
You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like that.
Customer:
What makes you think I'd like something like that?
Operator:
Well, you downloaded "Gourmet Soybean Recipes" from the public library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion.
Customer:
All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.
Operator:
That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. Your total is ¥50
Customer:
Just pull it off my credit balance.
Operator:
I'm sorry, sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit balance is over its limit.
Customer:
CASH?! Who uses cash these days?! I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.
Operator:
That won't work either, sir. Your account's overdrawn.
Customer:
Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?
Operator:
We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes. If you're in a hurry, you might want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.
Customer:
How the heck do you know I'm riding a bike?
Operator:
It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed.
Customer:
@#%/$@&?#!
Operator:
I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 2056 conviction for cussing out a Lone Star officer.
Customer:
(speechless)
Operator:
Will there be anything else, sir?
Customer:
Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2-liter bottle of Coke.
Operator:
I'm sorry, sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.
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